some lame jokes here .. really lame but supposedly real :
Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,"That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault ... It was the asphalt!"
Another Qantas flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."